I feel so fortunate to be living the life that God has given me. It wasn't always easy, but with lots of faith and friends I have survived and become a very strong person. I am often asked if I am angry that it took 33 years for a correct diagnosis. The answer is, "No."
I can honestly say that I am proud of everything I have had to endure growing up with Spastic Diplegia. It was never easy, but it lead me to the person I am today. I have a wonderful husband, three amazing kids and friends that are there for me no matter what. I like me. And I love my life! I also believe that God made me the way I was so I could teach others what is really important in life. I can walk my kids to the bus stop in the rain, use my hands to put clean sheets on the bed after a child is sick, see the mess on the kitchen counter and hear the kids fighting while I'm on the phone. These are all blessing. Tonight I will be sure to give thanks for my life and will encourage my children to do the same.
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As I'm getting ready for bed tonight, I can't help the tears. I'm not sad, I'm just so overcome with emotion. Three years ago tonight, Steve had to put me to bed. He did the same thing every night: helped me into my pj's, walked me to the bed, helped me roll onto my side (and get comfortable) and then covered me with the sheet and blankets. Little did I know that he would never need to help me with that task again. My life changed on that Good Friday three years ago and I wouldn't come to believe it myself until I stood independently on Easter Morning. I can never give enough thanks to my husband for taking care of me and the good Lord for healing me.
Being able to walk is a gift. Even back when it was very difficult for me to walk, it was a gift. It was a gift that I didn't have to be in a wheelchair all the time. With help, I could walk. So, when I had to get around in public and there wasn't an elevator, I could still get where I wanted to go with help. I always felt that I was blessed; even with all the inconveniences of being disabled. I knew that I didn't have it easy, but there were many people who had it much worse that I did. I had the opportunity to reflect on this yesterday afternoon while I was walking Winona and her Girl Scout Troop to their meeting.
As I walked the four blocks from school to the leaders' house, I couldn't help but thank God for allowing me to be with those 12 amazing fifth grade girls. Not only was the weather gorgeous, but I was able to put one foot in front of the other without worrying about whether or not I would fall. It's still hard for me to keep myself from tearing up in times like these and I can't help but wonder "why me?" Out of all the people in the world with limitations why is it that God chose me for a miracle? I don't have the answer to that question, so all I can do is live my life to the fullest and appreciate all He has given me. This past weekend, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to hike in The Badlands. Using my hiking poles, I was able to walk independently with Steve and the girls. As the sun beat on my face and the silence rang in my ears all I could do was thank God for the wonderful gift He had placed before me. I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes and felt that I had to tell my girls how lucky we were. Not only were we able to look at Gods beautiful work, but we were also blessed to be right in the heart of it, together as a family.
There were several times on this walk that I wasn't sure if I could make it all the way to the end of the trail. Every time I found myself up really high on a rock or on a narrow path, Steve assured me that I could do it. Every step of the way, I could tell that he was proud to be with me on this exciting experience. I desperately needed his support and because of it, I was able to make it to what felt like the end of the Earth Last night was an emotional evening for me as I watched John be baptized. As I stood and held my son at the back of the church all I could think about was when the girls were baptized. When they were baptized, Steve held them and I held onto his arm for dear life trying to hold myself up. I didn't get to stand with ease and enjoy the moment. I was far to worried that I would tumble to the ground. Last night, I felt like I was living someone else's life. How is it that I was able to hold my own child as he received the sacrament of baptism? As I held back my tears, I thanked God for all He has given me.
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