This past weekend, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to hike in The Badlands. Using my hiking poles, I was able to walk independently with Steve and the girls. As the sun beat on my face and the silence rang in my ears all I could do was thank God for the wonderful gift He had placed before me. I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes and felt that I had to tell my girls how lucky we were. Not only were we able to look at Gods beautiful work, but we were also blessed to be right in the heart of it, together as a family.
There were several times on this walk that I wasn't sure if I could make it all the way to the end of the trail. Every time I found myself up really high on a rock or on a narrow path, Steve assured me that I could do it. Every step of the way, I could tell that he was proud to be with me on this exciting experience. I desperately needed his support and because of it, I was able to make it to what felt like the end of the Earth
I can't believe that I biffed it in the Costco parking lot. I had barely gotten John out of the car and I slipped on a puddle of water and found myself sitting on the wet asphalt. I hurt my knee, my ankle and my pride.
It's been two years since I've fallen out in public. Falling had been a part of my daily routine, so I can handle a little embarrassment in front of all those Costco shoppers. When a woman came over and asked if I was okay, I couldn't help but think that she has no idea that I used to use a scooter to do my shopping. It never crossed her mind that there was a day when I fell all the time. To her, I was just a mom running errands.
Even though my knee is skinned up and my ankle still hurts, I'm glad that I fell on my tail today. It made me realize that I need to take time out of my day to thank God that I can do so many things that I couldn't do before. Yes, my pride was bruised, but I know that I no longer have to worry about falling every time I take a step. Of course my balance isn't the same as most, but I can do so much with my life. I just need to make sure that I don't take it for granted.
Last night was an emotional evening for me as I watched John be baptized. As I stood and held my son at the back of the church all I could think about was when the girls were baptized. When they were baptized, Steve held them and I held onto his arm for dear life trying to hold myself up. I didn't get to stand with ease and enjoy the moment. I was far to worried that I would tumble to the ground. Last night, I felt like I was living someone else's life. How is it that I was able to hold my own child as he received the sacrament of baptism? As I held back my tears, I thanked God for all He has given me.
Since my correct diagnosis, I have come to learn that a lot is expected of me. It's my job to make sure that my family is taken care of. I really enjoy this, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. There never seems to be enough time to do all the laundry, run all the errands and do all the fun things I wanted to do with my kids this summer. Even though I can't seem to get it all done, more is added to my list each and every day.
My life has become easier, but it has also become more stressful. That may not even make sense to most people, so I will try to explain it. Back when I could barely walk, I wasn't able to cook, grocery shop, Target runs, take the kids to their activities,etc. Therefore, I was never stressed about getting it all done and I wasn't expected to get it all done in one day.
Now days, however, I'm busy trying to do fun things with my kids, try to do new things for myself and everything else that comes with being a stay at home mom. The reason I get so stressed out trying to accomplish all of it, is because I never really learned how to manage it all. I try to be a really strong person, but at times I feel like I am failing my family as I'm not able to complete my daily tasks. More than anything, I want to be a great wife and mother and I guess that's why it can seem so stressful at times.
With that being said, I think I need to take a deep breath and tell myself that tomorrow is a new day. All the things I didn't get done today, that probably won't get done tomorrow either, don't really matter when I look at the big picture. What matters is that I have a wonderful, healthy family and the physical and mental capabilities to take care of them.
I'm in the process of planning our family vacation to the Black Hills. As I browsed the internet last night I came across an entertainment park for the kids. As I looked at the photos of bumper boats and go carts, I realized that I have never done either of those activities. I figure that even though I'm 36 years old, I've got to go on those with my girls!
There are so many things that I was never able to do as a young child and teen. I was missing out on fun, yet I never knew it. So, as I plan my trip to the Black Hills, I think I'm going to see what other fun things I can try for the first time. I see you can go horse back riding and I am seriously thinking about adding that to my list even though I would be deathly afraid to do so. You only live once and as I see it, I've got to live my childhood as an adult. I've got to put my fears behind me and just have fun with it all!