looking back

I realized something today.  I'm not nearly as strong of a person as I was two years ago.  As I look back at how I handled my previous two pregnancies, I don't know how I did it (and with such a positive attitude).  Back then, I couldn't do anything for myself.  Steve and my mom had to help me get dressed, use the bathroom, drive me to work, make all my meals and so much more.  I can do all those things myself this time, yet I feel so exhausted and miserable. 

I can't help but think that back then I had to prove to everyone that I could do it.  I could be disabled and still not only handle being pregnant, but I could be a good mother as well.  I can't help but ask myself, "was it knowing that so many people thought I couldn't/shouldn't be a mother that made me so much stronger just so I could prove them all wrong?"  Maybe.  I guess I'm okay with that. 

Everything in our lives has an affect on who we are and who we will become.  I always felt that growing up disabled made me a stronger person. As I look back on her, well me, I can't help but think that she was an amazing woman.  I'm sure if I dig deep enough I can find that strength once again.  I just have to take the first